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Daddy Answer

Daddy did you remember to pray for me

Did you think of me

Did you find a place in your heart for me

Did you

I would like to say

that I’am beyond wondering

why you weren’t there

why you didn’t care

to claim me

took no part in naming me

but your makings are all over me

took no part in raising me

yet I inherited your genetic disease

asthma arthritis allergies

belly round diabetic possibilities

I look more like your side than I care to see

yet you still managed to deny me

I would love to say that I forgave it all

and didn’t write them daddy hate poems

wish I could say I didn’t pen them verses

desperately pulling moist skin around the gaping hole you left

attempting to close unhealed wounds

Daddy I just want to know

did you at least remember to pray for me

because I might gain a little piece of mind

if you considered me before our father

resting assured that you cared a little

daddy did you pray

did you


did you hurt when you felt my absence

I would love to say that I

didn’t want you to hurt

that I didn’t want you to feel

empty and guilty

every time you hear my name

getting whiplash

from twisting your neck real fast

to see if I was somewhere in the room

Daddy, did your absence from me pain you?

If it didn’t that’s fine too

Evidence that God blessed you mightily

by hardening your heart like Pharoah’s

giving well placed callouses

that you might not entertain

guilt’s strain

I’m sorry to say I didn’t have the luxury of escaping that pain

But somehow I know

that you didn’t quite get away that clean

I know there had to be someone whispering bout me

some person saying something

not leisurely allowing you

to deny your child

daddy who advocated for me

because there is no evidence that you did

who championed for me

besides my mother

because she

she did the things that you should have done

and I ain’t talkin bout

payin bills and opening doors

but telling my siblings who I was

I remember those conversations they had

when she told each one of them that

you were my dad

and they all looked at me for the first time

recognizing that I was the girl

who was always around

and the sister they never knew they had

also being the youngest of them

my face was a reminder

that at some point in time

you did they momma bad

Daddy who came up in your ear

was it any one of your peers

who knew your cruel secret

and had enough guts to speak the truth

Was it God Himself who

was angry enough

to tongue lash you




I’m still angry sometimes

you would think that after living this long

I would have let things go

but no

and believe me I tried

tried to talk myself into believing

that me being well was more important than you being there

I would go to God and try to

pray away care

I could say that

your absence made me better

and it taught me all of these things

and I am stronger

and I am a queen

and it would be true

but there

is a truth

deeper still

That truthfully I am not stilled

and each time I find some peace of mind

and think I have forgiven you

each time I stitch the wound

its good and clean for a little while

allowing me to forget and have a smile

then puss begins to seep out


this festering infection is at the very core of me

the antibiotic of ministry has not cured

my scar tissue

no matter what I do

I can’t get over you

and like the Apostle Paul had a thorn in his side

I guess I have mine too

and I have trust issues

anger issues

and like other poets I got daddy issues

maybe that’s why I am a poet

maybe that’s why I am even any good

which just pisses me off more

to know that I am who I am because of you

and I don’t feel you deserve any credit

But maybe

if I knew you prayed for me

I could get healing

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